Insane Self-Talk

It's midnight.. and I caught myself losing in thoughts again, some random blank thoughts that probably lead to nothingness. The entire morning I was home alone, save for the maid who spent the whole day in the garden and I didn't even bother checking on her. Under normal circumstance, I would had made some master plans and sneaked out for a little fun. Any typical days but not today, my thought drifted along with my non-inspire mood. The lacking of burning desire in me that normally strikes my head, click like a flip on the switch, knowing what to do and where to spend for the rest of the day. Either watching crappy movies, browsing the internet for random articles or even reading and studying.. I was amused for me hardly touched my laptop or stepped out my room for anything, air-gasping, whatever. Yes, I did spent most of the times in my room isolated (since I have some tests going here and there) but not entirely blocked myself from the Internet. I did spent my day reading but my focus was on and off, losing concentration continuously. I even spaced out when the DVD was running, losing track of storyline. Seem like I've been experiencing a mood swing.. Nothing that can be described verbally. Certainly I'm not on drug or menstruation lol. There, normally I would made stupid remarks and laughed on my own jokes. Maybe I was either bored or fall sick again. Beside, nothing could really cheer me up, not even choki-choki or any chocolate bars I could find in my bookshelves (I hide my snacks and tip-bits there). They never help much in aiding secretion of endorphins, the happy hormones. In fact, the junk foods made me feel sick afterward. I felt like I might need some help on medication.. Some prescriptions or maybe warrior pills (If this kind of pills ever existed) to suppress the emptiness within that ate me from inside. Insecurity! That's it. That should explain everything- The mood swing and all the crazy thoughts I had in mind earlier. How people deal with insecurity? Do they find someone to sort things out by talking or they simply convince themselves to move on? I never had any therapeutic talk because I only acknowledge people that need help had to go through with that kind of process. I see that as a sign of weakness on myself. I'm not saying talking is a bad thing or maybe I am not quite desperate to share my problem openly and to burden others. I explain them vaguely. Uncertainty in the future got me worried all of sudden. There's nothing worse than waiting and not knowing what will happen to you in the future. So much of serious talk today eh? No point of worrying now.. Things will get better soon.. Everyone have insecurity sometimes, I had it with me all the time. I just have to deal with it someway somehow. If every man has his own destiny to pursue.. till then.. lol.. This is getting meaningless as the post lengthens. Not to mention as confused as ever, I'll stop here.. right here.. right now.. Good night!